There’s a lot of trauma that goes with living in our society as an oppressed person. I’ve seen oppressed people act similar to people who have been cheated on or similar to ppl who have been victims of abuse in relationships. They get triggered at the smallest thing in their interactions with people that have caused them harm and with people who they suspect to hurt them (which really could be anyone). They create defense mechanisms to deal with people that could potentially hurt them again. The interesting thing is that being hurt in this case means being made to feel like they are lesser because of their identity (whether its their race, gender, or some other identity).
When people signify in a relationship or friendship that they can be triggered in this way then I normally tell myself, oh, okay they need a lot of patience and understanding. I also tell myself and them that they have to understand what they are doing. They have to understand how their past is affecting them bc if they don’t it will continue to influence their relationship with me and possibly others in a negative way. I will continue with the friendship if they take steps to show me that they are doing this.
I don’t know what the ethics of dealing with oppressed people who are hurt are. I don’t know if it would make sense to deal with them the say way. The situation is different in that they may need time to grieve their whole life as they will suffer from bs their whole life. It’s also different because the stakes are higher if they get triggered because their ability to have conversations about certain issues will impact the society that we will live in for better or for worse. Additionally, no one wants to have to deal with people who get triggered very easily and who lash out at you when they expect that you will hurt them. It is not a good feeling when people's traumatic past somehow manifests itself in your conversation. People can only be so understanding. If they did not hurt you but you respond to them as if they have they can only be so patient with you. You should expect that dealing with you will be very frustrating for them. But I think in this case, the case where an oppressed person is dealing with their traumatic past and present, the other person has to be more understanding because our society does not give avenues for oppressed people to deal with their oppression. For instance, if you are a victim of an abused relationship or if someone cheated on you then you could seek therapy for this. Your friends will be understanding and so will your romantic partners if you explain yourself to them.
However, you can’t just go to therapy for being a member of an oppressed group. I mean you can but that isn’t something that is widely accepted or known about. Also, your friends will be understanding to an extent but it normally isn’t acceptable for you to act out because of your past. People treat and conceptualize someone being cheated on very differently than they would members of an oppressed group. They will treat someone who has been cheated on with kid gloves but they will tell the oppressed person that it is just life and they have to get over it and not take their shit out on them.
The whole thing is very weird.