what that grad life is like when the state cuts your school funding

When the state cuts your school funding (and you are a grad student), you will hear that it will affect you. People will say that it will affect your ability to go to conferences. It will affect your ability to go to your dream summer programs. It will affect how many classes you teach or when you start teaching your own classes. They will also say that it will affect the students you teach. You don't know exactly how that will happen though.

Now, you have multiple classes to teach. You are a graduate student so you also have to consume ridiculous amounts of reading material every week. You have to go to lectures. You have to pose questions and act as if you are able to critically engage with the reading material you either skimmed through, were confused about, or loved. You are tired of skimming through texts. You want to immerse yourself in it. you want to slap yourself for wanting that.

You. Don't. have. Any. Time.

Just a heads up, you will come across many thought-provoking pieces. Your job in graduate school is to learn discipline. You have to learn to think and critique in a particular way. I am saying all this because you can't just consume thought-provoking pieces. You have to consume it in a way that shows that you are developing the skills your professors are teaching you. That is time consuming af.

You, of course, also have to have a social life. self-care is in. you want to do what's in. You want to self-care. You don't know what it means but you are pretty sure it has something to do with having friends and interacting with friends so you try and hang out with other humans every now and again. mostly, interacting with other specimens means going to bars. you like beer. Beer is good. Actually, you gotta stop drinking beer because it's making you gain weight in areas you don't want to gain weight at.

You more than likely have a project (probably multiple projects) that you're working on. Your passion projects have become a chore because you have to make it palatable to certain audiences. You're not sleeping. you don't even procrastinate all that much anymore. well you do- but you don't do it justice like you could before. now- all you do is do.

You don't really take care of yourself. self-care is an allusion. You don't even really know what it means.

You are fucking exhausted. You don't even watch tv anymore. You don't even know the shows that are on Netflix that you would want to watch. It's been a long time you belly laughed at something on Netflix. What a beautiful world you used to live in.

And you are told that the state is cutting your school funding and it sounds like shit is going to go bad soon. You just don't know how. You don't have time to research it. You don't have energy to research it. the political climate is draining. its hard enough trying to be a "good" citizen and keep up with the issues. Now you are told that if you don't keep up with the issues at your university, shit will go bad for you, your cohort, everyone you work with, and your student. If you are not fed this line then at the very least you are made aware that you have a voice, If you don't try to influence things that are going bad, there is a chance that things won't go in your favor. This will all be very bad for some way.. you don't really know how as you don't have all of the details.

But you don't do shit. You feel bad about not going to any union meetings or uprisings. At the same time, you are tired af and just hope that someone else has enough energy to do it and that maybe one day you will be able to lift a weight off their shoulders and lend a hand. You half-lie to yourself that you will do something soon. The half of you that cannot lie to yourself is sure that you won't. What will happen next? I can't predict it. Going on Pinterest helps with the anxiety of it all.


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